PJMH3 Run 89 The Ironman Monkey (The tale of the many-faced RA) Once upon a time, in a strange city occupied by misfits, sexual degenerates and social outcasts a small gathering of 40 such men assembled outside an old-world inn, known as the Boxing Roo, so named in tribute for the Antipodean custom of engaging wild animals in organised combat. The leader of this motley bunch was a gnarled old specimen, who otherwise was known as the ‘Bad RA’. It was his time to shine, to lead and to direct his followers on a quest to the highest point of the kingdom in search of treasures immeasurable and the true meaning of life. Coins changed hands and the men argued for positions on the carts which would take them to their real journey’s start, several leagues away, for few wished to share the transport with the men who already had eyes only for Leo and ignored tradition for such adventures. The ‘Organised RA’ ensured that everyone was present and adequately attired before the carts set off, and the men fell silent as they gave their minds and thoughts to what lay ahead. It had been the way, since the beginning of time that the whatever lay ahead for the day should remain a mystery to all that took part, and the men were troubled by memories of previous adventures and relived agonising ordeals that haunted their sleeping and waking days. But no one was taking part without their free consent and a steely resolve enveloped the travelling company as they neared the end of the cart journey – to the point where they would be cast off to fend for themselves in the wild. Brows became furrowed, palms became sweaty as the ‘Melodramatic RA’ gave final instructions; ‘You will climb to the summit of the highest peak and then when you are done, you will climb even more till you can almost touch heaven. Your path will be hazardous and full of treachery and some of you will not return to the B site before dark’. This did little to ease the feeling of the men some of whom were trembling as the absence of Leo took a firm grip of them. Yet there was more dread to befall them as the ‘Hypocritical RA’ issued a harsh warning at the last moment:- ‘Do not think that when you reach the B site that your troubles are over for today, for it is my decree that all men shall proceed to the C site, even though it is many Monkey’s since I myself have done so’. However, the ‘Considerate RA’ had given clear instructions to the weaklings of the group as to how they could traverse the base of the highest peak and save their energies for the second stage of the ordeal. And so, under the heat of the midday sun they set off, some reluctantly, some with bravado but mostly in silence as one by one they disappeared into a world of bamboo, sun, sand and steep paths. The men showed little concern for each other for they had energy only for themselves and surviving the next several hours. However, it was to be only just more than an hour when the men started to appear at the B site, a shaded spot under a huge oak tree that afforded the ‘Experienced RA’ some comfort as he awaited the arrival of the stragglers before he could send them onwards again with more words of warning. ‘Those of you who choose to complete the challenge in it’s entirety should heed that this is the toughest challenge ever, exceeding all that have gone before, especially the section that you have just survived. This truly is the Ironman Monkey’ said the ‘Boastful RA’. But, for those of you that would choose to decline this second challenge you too must face more peril as I will not allow any one to ride the cart to the C site. You will not face the demands of the second highest peak in the Kingdom, your challenge will be to find the C site with the vaguest of directions, as for you, there is no trail laid! Follow the north star until you leave the land of the sand and come across a road of tar with no ruts. Follow this road till the sun hits the brow of the land, then look for a raven to guide you for surely there will be one, I think’… these were the words of the ‘Confusing RA’ Loins were girded, upper lips stiffened and deep breaths taken as the men turned their backs on the shade of the B site striding out into the sun once again. It was not long till the words of the ‘Confusing RA’ came back to haunt the lame and lazy who elected to accept the challenge of not knowing where they were going in lieu of the toughest of climbs….turn left when Venus appears in the sky….onto the road of modern man where the body of a viper lies in the sun…run backwards around the great ocean until the tide turns? There was no hope, despite the presence of a wizard, they had no idea where to go, which direction to follow and had to call upon the wizard to call upon a magic spell to summon carts out of nowhere to rescue the desperate men, delirious through lack of Leo. Eventually all men arrived at the C site to be met by the ‘Angry RA’ who chided the foolish, cowering men that had been wandering hopelessly and still far from the C site when rescued. Few words were spoken by those other men who had completed the whole challenge as they charged themselves with cold Leo and lazed in the waters of a warm lake. Before long a welcome spread of fin meats and many carbohydrates was presented to the men, the ‘Crafty RA’ having organised this so as he had to do few of the traditional chores associated with feeding the men and cleaning up afterwards. Whilst others ate, drank and mellowed their minds in the setting sun’ the ‘Regal RA’ sat upon his throne and enthralled the men with tales of previous adventures, and gave hint to the fact that this could be his last such adventure. The men did not rejoice but still they spoke in small groups their tones hushed lest they provoke the ‘Retiring RA’ The time for speeches soon came to the crowd and by this time the men spoke freely and loudly, emboldened by the freely flowing Leo and the knowledge that all danger for the day was behind them. The ‘Generous RA’ wished to tell them of his magic that he had performed with their coins, and indeed had coin to give back to each and every one, with the added promise of free Leo at the inn, where they would stop on the return journey back to the city. But the men were not impressed and would not quieten to hear the words spoken by the ‘Petulant RA’ who scattered the coin and free Leo vouchers to the ice bucket to where the ungrateful men’s attention quickly turned as an unseemly scramble ensued. Although the mood had momentarily changed to one of ugliness, peace was soon restored as tales of bravery, foolishness and comedy were recounted by all. It is traditional for the Leader of the day to serve as the serving wench for the men, to honour their efforts through the day, but on this occasion the ‘Recumbent RA’ stayed upon his throne employing the services of a serf to do his work whilst he imbibed of the Leo. It was far too soon when the light dimmed as the sun sank behind the horizon and the men climbed back upon the carts for the brief ride to the Inn of the Black Sheep where more free vitals had been negotiated by the ‘Business-like RA’, the men claimed their free Leo, drank even more Leo than their worn and broken bodies could cope with, giving into song and dance as the night wore on. At such times are friendships forged, shared memories become treasured and reputations made and broken – but we do not speak of such things until we join each other’s company again. It Is sufficient to say that the ‘Many faced RA’ will have many songs sung in his memory, as he has sung of others in the past. The End