How do you get the honour of scribing for The Jungle Monkey? Fucked if I know.
I was sitting on the ice looking at the ground trying to be invisible when I volunteered. I'm not sure how the GM recognised my desire to scribe but here I am scribing, I hope I can remember the run.
Back in town after a few weeks of work and signed up at the bus pickup point near the Buffalo Bar.
The Black Pearl departed on time and drove across Sukhumvit Road and down a few dusty Soi's and a few more narrow alleys and with Spag sitting behind keeping me informed of our current position we went past The Big Tree and The Big Tower, down a dirt road to the "A" site near a Big Hole not too far out of town.
First circle called and GM Cabbage Knievil welcomes 1 virgin Crapper then calls on the hares Pussy Snatcher and Jellobutt to tell us about the run. Paper, FT's, back checks, cattle, dogs and barbed wire on the ground all the usual things on this run so no worries, easy.
GM organised everyone to wait until Seal Sucker took the lead before starting and then follow him to the first check, of course only Spag and GI Joe remembered what the GM said and the rest ran off looking for paper. The attention span of a hasher finishes with the loss of eye contact.
Seal Sucker, the lazy fuck wasn't running today anyway so waiting for him to take the lead wasn't going to happen.
Down into a pit of dirt and mud and up the other side and off into the trees, tapioca and water and mud. The first part was pretty good, no ball deep rivers or fields of buffalo shit and mud but lots of tapioca to fight your way through to get to the water stop.
Second part started and stopped pretty quick because we lost paper and if Pussy Snatcher hadn't been going past on the bus we'd still be there as farmers were digging up the tapioca fields just where the paper used to go, we were pointed in the right direction and ran on. Marathon Man took this opportunity to get on the bus; he had a few stitches in his head where doctors had removed a bit of his melon and performed a minor lobotomy.
I was leading from the rear and on a couple of occasions met up with the FRB's who were dazed, lost and confused by a new phenomenon called Hanging Back Checks. Two blue sticks hanging from the trees. I didn't see any so I was only confused. Anyway if two blue sticks are hanging on the trail to the right then the true trail is probably the trail to the left, easy. This is how I went from last to first on more than 1 occasion. I call On On and the cloud of confusion disappeared and like sheep they follow. I'm usually passed by Cabbage Knievil first then VT, AFC and Try a Fuck and gradually everyone else runs by, see you at the next hanging sticks.
The On In is cleverly placed under a tree next to the bus 5 meters from the A site where the smart ones sit drinking beer watching as hashers run to the right away from the beer to a back check that confuses them again and of course this makes the ones sitting in the circle laugh until the runners turn around and see the bus and a group of giggling hashers.
The run ends where we started near The Big Hole. Now down to the serious business of lightening the beer coolers and punishing as many people as possible.
Food first at VV's baguette buffet before the run inquisition and icing of the hare's and assorted sinners.
GM Cabbage Knievil takes the circle and ices the hare's Pussy Snatcher and Jellobutt and they get positive feedback on the run, good run thank you gentlemen. Very clever On In.
Crapper is today's victim and is given the honour of wearing the monkey hat by Spag and the glamour of wearing a giant incontinence diaper by Pussy Snatcher for the rest of the circle. Crapper was iced and bucketed on several occasions to make him feel welcome, then given the dreaded beer arm tube to try. His first attempt filled his nostrils the second was much better and he got a taste of beer.
All the Aussie's were iced for being too athletic or intelligent but crap at international sport.
Seal Sucker iced for being a lazy bastard and not running to the front of the pack, he replaced Jellobutt at the checks and stands on the sticks until he hears a real hasher call On On.
On the Black Pearl again to a new venue Nobby's with more food and beverages, I sit outside with Spag, Bam Bam, Mental Disorder and GI Joe we drink more piss and solve the world's problems.
Another successful day out meeting the locals and trampling the crops.
On On
Rear Gunner
