Dear Mum
Still in Pattaya enjoying the sun. I went on a Monkey yesterday, it's a run in the jungle and this one was by really, really experienced hares (that’s them what lay the trail on the floor). These two men had done so many runs and were experts at it and had everything down to absolute perfection, but they forgot to get a bus, so we had to go in little buses to the start.
When we got to the start the little buses got angry and wanted more money so one of the hares took their numbers and said he would report them to the Army, he said 'Pai'--'Pai' to them so they went. I think he had forgotten that we had to get back?
Anyway it started with this horrible bald man with a hole in his head and scars on his neck standing up on a pick up and shouting at us, as virgins (that’s a beginner Mum) the horrible man told us to stand on the yellow line in the middle of the road while cars passed and while every one looked at us!! I think they do this to all beginners, its a good job we didn’t start on the Rayong highway !!!. We had to drink a little glass of water which was no where near enough water to do the run so I got a whole bottle of it while no one was looking.
Once we got running someone said to me I had blood on my leg, I looked down and one of my calf muscles was hanging off, it must have come loose with the thorn bush I just ran through. Anyway a bit of spit and I stuck it back on, it's ok today.
It was really easy run, I thought it was going to be hard but I think you could have done it in your wheel chair Mum. One guy told me it was 21 Km. It was up and down a bit but nothing too much until the end when we had to run under the Rayong highway in the sewers, but the water was nice and cool and I was having a lovely paddle, but we had to get out and do the last bit through pineapple fields. They were nice too because as you ran through them they tickled your legs.
Some one made a mistake and pointed the sticks in the wrong direction, I got lost with a Swedish man that kept falling over a lot which gave me a bit of time to myself, I was thinking I might wallpaper my bedroom when I get home Mum, what do you think.
After the pineapples and the lovely soft tapioca fields with wet feet and shoes full of sand we went back down the sewer again for another cool paddle and right back to where we started at the beer truck. We didn’t know where to go from there because the hare was paddling in the sewer as well.
When it was all over we camped in a lovely bit of jungle where it was nice and warm and humid with lots of little ants that dripped from the trees, flies tickled my damaged calf muscle as they tried to lay maggots in me.
It was funny then Mum because we had to sit on small plastic seats that once you sat on it you couldn’t get up and the legs of the stools disappeared into the mud.
So any way I got changed into a new shirt that a nice hare gave me with little elastic bits on the sleeves like a girls blouse, we also got some food,---well,--- bits of bread with magic spoons that didn’t get any food out of the little pots to make sure we didn’t eat too much, Phew I was stuffed with just one.
Then the circle started, this is where you get turns to sit on Ice blocks, That was nice I liked that, I started to think about my wallpaper again. Lots of people had a go at sitting on ice and they all pointed a finger at them and laughed a lot.
Then it got really weird, there was this English solicitor totally naked in a nappy talking about himself, he tried very hard to look dignified, but he wasn’t very successful, It made me think about wall paper again, he had a very strange name for a solicitor!!
It was time to go and get some more food but the hares were getting worried because they had forgot about the bus again, so I dived into the back of a pick up refused to get out and sat there until we arrived. Then we had some really good food with spoons, knives and forks and a plate made of pot.
I was getting a bit tipsy then so we all had to go home, again I jumped into the back of the pick up with about 8 other guys, it was so full of guys and bags that you couldn’t sit properly. I had my legs underneath me all the way until I couldn’t feel them anymore, but then it started to rain which was nice and we all got a nice cool shower with the wind and rain blowing very hard in my face. I really enjoyed that bit and found that if I turned my head to one side I could breathe. When we got in the traffic jams of Pattaya it started to rain very hard and we all got a really good wash, this helped to clean off the mud off my face that the back wheels had thrown up.
We could see the other guys sitting in the cab laughing and drinking beer, but I didn’t care because the pain in my legs had turned into pins and needles and I like cold water slowly running into my underpants.
I’m ok today and the leg has healed up, at least you can't see the bone anymore. I will go for a bike ride today and catch up with some exercise.
Mum next time you are in Woolworths will you see if you can buy odd coloured socks? If you can, will you get me 2 pairs please. They seem very popular around here.
Bye Mum
Fowl Fucker
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