Who better to set a Queen Monkey than two queens of the bush, Wizard and CM blow-in Krapthai? Well, the hares threw us a flanker with the image on the fB ad. The shirt, when revealed, was a superb pastiche of the Queen LP cover and is already a H3 Classic I’d say. The day itself was organized mayhem, with the run starting on time at noon in blazing sun. Even Belly Dancer realized he’d fcuked up without a titfer and borrowed my St Kilda cap. Within meters of the start we were scrambling down a bastard steep bank with horrid nylon rope to burn our hands on. A few came to grief here and some like Arse-Holeo went down freestyle. Shitty brown sludge water greeted us at the bottom and you knew you were being tested from the off. After some nasty long grass - to be repeated - we were out in the open pineapple field and the first of a few tricky checks. I seemed to chose well or loiter effectively because I managed to keep up with the lead pack. Into the forest and rubber trees being tapped. Once in shade it was time to jog hard and make the best of it. A sneaky FT slowed the FRBs and had us looking at 5 possible on trails before paper was found. Soon the big conundrum presented itself. Paper. Sticks. Confusion. Arguing. It appears the walkers had stumbled on the Run trail and shredding and sticks sent confusing messages. Amazingly Del Boy worked out whodunnit before anyone else and I pegged it up the hill after him even though Mudchuter was adamant we were headed back on the W trail. Del was sure the tall Norseman would work it out and before long he joined us in the forest and we cruised the last 2.5km on good shaded trail to the drinks stop at B. Public opinion blamed Yanky Crank for the fcuk up and he was certainly a popular choice even if proclaiming lame innocence. Coming in 3 at the drinks stop, I was aware of punching above my weight, so weighted myself down with choc and fruit before leg 2 to give the old guys a fighting chance. The paper now was initially harder to follow through the tapioca and the slanting sun didn’t help. A group of us bashed on together, GI Joe, Belly, Sperm Polluter, Hardon, Beetroot Head and GGGobbler amongst half a dozen others. Trail turned to forest then a mean grass trail above a tapioca field and out onto running paths in the blazing sun. Sperm Polluter and self ran more or less adjacently for a couple of km before a FT messed up the front 3 and allowed us to catch them. The dark blue sticks I found easy to miss but others had their eyes trained. Welcome shade and around plantations and properties and then a path going up to a rise and down to a big lake. JelloButt hoped this was the end - I was just too tired to reply aloud. Finally I passed GGG and ran in to the C site to see blackshirted walkers and the FRBs sitting around in recovery mode. Mudcreaker and Del Boy had taken the FRB honours with Diahorrea next in I think. Runners were welcomed home and tucked into cold brews. Arse Bandit and Yanky Crank showed off with monkey hats and matching boxers but everyone looked smart in their new Queen polo. Wonderful catering from the hares included blue cheese and duck pate in Flora marg tubs thank you very much. The circle was notable for top performances by the MVPs BamBam, Sperm P and Scar w 2 t’s. Rumpled did a good turn and also Steptoe. When you have your own hash song you know you’ve arrived. Highlight was Fuck Off’s 23 y.o. boy showing the folly of youth with constant gob back to BamBam who kept allowing sinners to rise while keeping the young ‘un in the frogbath. Lippy didn’t learn his lesson all circle - outstanding hash potential but god help the USAF. The 5 virgins became 4 when BamBam fucked off Fuck Off for being a fat cunt. Mmm, irony, perhaps? The four nappies were used and abused by the unfortunate debutants who seemed stupid enough to enjoy the experience and will no doubt return. Beetroot Head, NoMoreCum +1 were iced for paternal activities or not and when Shtihead was asked for a note and Sperm P cut him off after his initial ‘Er’, the circle collapsed. Back to Hustler bar and a fantastic evening of singing and dancing led by Humpty Dumpty, The Wizard and energizer bunny Sperm Polluter who showed that Slade missed a trick when they knocked him bak. Krapthai’s dancing suggested his future lies away from Strictly. Onon the Jungle Monkey! 24 years still waiting for a chance... Alice