Scribe Report by Beverly Hills Pink Cock

On On to the Extreme, we were warned by Karamba’s Monkey War description….. XXXL, Ballbreaker, Mind Boggler, Running til you reach the stage of insaneness ….. despite all those warning plenty of Monkey Troopers (ard 30ishs) in full military monkey gear showed up at the monkey barracks (Thistle) to receive last briefing before embarking on another monkey war and boarding Johnnies antiquated monkey launch craft (veteran of foreign wars) and off to a foreign monkey war again, a war without arms, the only enemies ourselves, our imperfect bodies and animals of the wilderness……

The launch craft spilled out the monkey troopers at the landing site next to the polo club and after taking the obligatory trooper picture in full gear, happy and all smiling before embarking on another foreign monkey war. The honorable monkey troop leader Spaghetti Head explained the rules of war and welcomed 2 freshly recruited troopers,,,,eh one of them was still missing, what a coward…… Further explanations were given by the Monkey Xtreme war masters, the Scandi team….about the war trail, in 4 stages with 3 supply and recharge stops…. Safe your energy to survive all stages… and to survive the war against yourself and your imperfect body …off the troopers go!!!

On On only to get lost after 50mtrs of trail…. FRB’s already off trail….. but soon everybody back on trail bcse the monkey troopers still complete and fast to be back on paper trail again…. At this stage I was thinking Im not surviving this Xtreme Foreign war and will desert the monkey troop army after 2 or 3 stages… does the mind win or does the body that is the question!!! The trail was so long that at the end you forgot what happened at the beginning…. But at as a rather complete troop we were at the beginning checks and false trails kept the whole pack of monkey troopers together, FRB’s (mainly VT and GI Joe) relentlessly checking it out and the usual culprits sitting at the checks. I made good 2 checks myself and find myself in the lead for a short while and much to my surprise with Lord Lucan and Rectum catching up with me at another check on a hill top, yes Lord Lucan was in front here wth VT off to a false trail….from that point of the foreign monkey war Lord Lucan lost his fight for freedom and justice and was never seen again on trail….. as usual! Coming to the first supply and recharge station after 1 ½ hrs still in good energy saving spirit I thoughts that the end of the run! Supply station erected by the supply master Corporal Bam Bam in full swing, the troopers own chef VV preparing gourmet al fresco sandwiches and snacks. Trooper Private Spaghetti Head and Lord Lucan missing in action, nothing unusual for another foreign monkey war. But much to my surprise the newly recruited Norwegian monkey trooper, what was his name again…. Spinning something…. or swivel hips or something….showed up delayed, smiling, in clean new shoes and eating sandwiches before anybody else! I thought it’s a survival war and he is a cheater! Deserts before the war starts and eats all the precious supply before the veterans of foreign monkey war can get a taste. He needs serious military monkey war training before embarking on another foreign monkey survival war, for sure. Troopers were briefed after a short recharging interval on the 2nd stage of survival war…. some succumbing already to their old bodies and aches and left behind carried by the trooper launch craft and Bam Bam Supply Tank. Oh, what a short stage, some easy checks… just started and finished soon not even finishing the carried water supply. Only coming to the shady 2nd supply and recharge stop where delicious sandwiches and crackers were waiting again for us. As one of the first arriving at the stop I saw the Miserable Cunt sitting with clean shoes and relaxed in his chair, looked already finished with that survival war I was thinking (but I was failed ha ha,,, more stories later). That stage showed us again that surviving a monkey survival war with clean shoes is impossible…. But for some, particularly No More Cum it rather looked like a mud wrestling competition, up to the ass in yak yak, a real trooper! At this easy stage probably everybody still participating in the foreign monkey survival war was thinking,,,, I shall survive! But then came the 3rd stage of the monkey survival war, everybody was fighting with themselves and their respective bodyparts involved with` this fight, ouch oooccchhh ahhhh ehhhhhhhhh ouuuuw yyoouuwwlll hoowwwlllll…long confusing checks, plenty of hilly terrain and bush scrambling ala VV at it’s best, made the whole remaining monkey troop very demoralized some giving up mentally and physically along this arduous part of the trail… surviving and making it to the next stop. Try-a Fuck, normally a vivid talker and adviser on the run stopped talking and only his occasional maonings oohhh auuchh followed by: my knees are fucked, I will not survive, help me! At this time, seeing all my fellow monkey troopers struggling I switched down in absolute survival mode…as a mid packer fighting my own survival war against aches and pain! Much to my own surprise made it somehow to the 3rd supply and recharge stop and after downing a few more Al Fresco VV gourmet sandwiches (why can’t they be supplied in any of our foreign monkey wars? Would make the survival rate much higher, healing mental and physical wounds…) And there they were, the legions of monkey troopers barely possible to stand up like a monkey (man), dismantling their monkey war attire, throwing shoes, socks, sogged T-Shirts in the air unable to embark on the last leg of survival war. This foreign monkey survival war is finished for us and we are finished too! We need oral beer injections soon to re-plenish our emptied blood stream…..

At this time I managed to talk with Absolutely Fucking Clueless, and he’s so clueless that he doesn’t understand his mind and body state so he was confident: I am doing the 4th and last stage! Mmhhh if he can do maybe I can do! So most of the monkey troopers not involved in the foreign survival war anymore, already in the monkey field hospital and waiting for their oral alcohol (beer) treatment, VV, the hash war master explained the last and 4th stage of the survival monkey war….And much to everyone surprise the Miserable Cunt got out of his chair and storming to the front line of hash troopers: I will join, I can do! This one’s for pussies he must have thought, according to VV, an easy and flat 7km final survival stage awaiting the demoralized remaining hash troopers, of which Cabbage Knieval looked better and better, nothing left from his early stages moaning… GI Joe, already a vivid checker at the earlier stages and Vaseline Thighs, our Hash Athlete, well trained and groomed and the survivor No More Cum from the Hash Fire Brigade. For everybody still on the role it was only making it to the finish, nothing else in mind, no more talking, no more jokes. As predicted Miserable Cunt and Absolutely Fucking Clueless made the first check but were missing in action soon after…. why didn’t they follow paper??? It was a long stage again and some difficult checks which kept the main pack of the 5 surviving monkey troopers reasonably together…. And after 5 ½ hrs of survival war finally reached the shores of Lake Wat Yarn, darkness already embarking, just in time. Finished – we are also – enough is enough…..some 36 km on Vaseline Thighs odometer…. a bit less for the rest. But where were the Miserable Cunt and Absolutely Fucking Clueless?? Spaghetti Head, the Hares and Bam Bam shouting into the already dark forest ONNN ONNNNNN ONN HOMEEEEEEE… but the last 2 remaining troopers missing! They, however, showed up at King Yao Yao’s house for to being picked up at last….. after a long long day and an Xtreme long run it was off to the 5th leg to Spaghetti Head’s house an even longer journey!! and Circle….. great food prepared by the Ms Head and Squezze I guess

If you wanna know about the Circle, come and enjoy the next Monkey Troop adventure in September (the Cheap Charlie Great Bargain Monkey) staged by Jellobut and Ballringer and you get to know!!

Thanks to everybody involved with the preparation of this run, the Hares and VV as our trooper Chef, Bam Bam, Spag Head and Lord Lucan for the set-up…… another great day out in the bush!!!!!

The D-Day of Hashing !!